WHO IS MY NAME?

Should you know exactly who my name? I have come to understand about the death, life is only a piece measuring distance before the body is lying in the coffin towards eternal rest. Hope for tomorrow cause anyone still hoping, but is there anything still I want? Everything ended up in this room, the room when I had realized, in fact, I'm a person with HIV. Before the birth mother must undergo a blood test to make sure she was free of the deadly disease, swallowing antiretroviral drugs for life, or death aka soon came when the late lunge to take medicine one day.

Clockwise missed a beat when regretfully doctor declared, "I'm sorry, the blood of HIV positive mothers". Then the whole room felt empty, I felt myself as if floating, dry leaves before the wind should then crashed at a place without a map. One thing I saw was a patch of ground tomb for the dead, a very quiet and nobody knows, what really happened under a headstone. Any person wishing a long life, one hopes that will probably fail to be fulfilled unless I can not swallow the medication late, even by a single day, to maintain nutrition and health.

The baby's tiny, sweet, and without sin should not receive breast milk or she will be infected with this deadly disease, I'll lose the precious moment, no chance to see him grow up. We should be referred to the hospital to get ARV parent then continuously drink. One trip is not easy, because we must wait for the ship coming at midnight, jostling insistence with hundreds of passengers, taking about 12 hours voyage, down the gangplank with all pickpockets and thieves wandering around, taking an hour road, then arrived at the hospital destination, I will do everything for the life expectancy of children given birth. If the father is with me, to bear this heavy burden together.

But where is now the father of my child?

Weight realized, in fact, I was a fool with a woman easily persuaded mouth sweet man. "Love" make eyes become blind, I do not know very well the man who always took me both in a quiet place with no witnesses, so everything washed away. I was unable to survive a single day without him, he was as if the sun during the day and the moon at night. I never hear words of the  parents, I do not want "happiness" be deprived of life, I always miss the time together until midnight, always together, staring at the flickering stars, friends with the wind, and moisture that slowly crystallized at the end of the foliage.

Until this last togetherness where? Because my stomach suddenly felt nausea, dizziness, weakness and pale face. I do not know what happened to me, we still meet and meet, to the wishes of the most secretive in every human being. Until my stomach enlarged and continues to grow, as does the state of mothers who give birth prepared. With anxiety and fear, I confess to parents is carrying a fetus is the result of a relationship with a man I loved so much that is poised to be the father of this little baby, to live together forever until death parted.

However, what we can answer when demanding marriage, a man whom I loved wholeheartedly with cowardly deny responsibility. He was not willing to marry me, he just pays a fine after my father and mother reported to the police. I was left in a state of pregnancy and were positive for HIV. Love unrealistic herding destiny of life towards death. Now I know how quickly love turns to hate, I cursed the meeting for the sake of meeting in an amount not they are many. I regret the wrong time, what's the use? Rice has become porridge, useless sobs anything. With tears dripping down I apologized to my father and mother, parents increasingly frail, due to the calamities that befall his favourite child.

Shall you want to know my name?

Women do not have a tendency to be promiscuous, but she is a passive group that can be infected, because of the relationship with her partner, because "love" who blindly. I know where the deadly virus spreads, but what's the point? Now I will potentially spread HIV to others who would have intercourse with me. I have let go of the chance to live happily as a family, how painful lives alone.

When an unknown visitor came in uniforms, I reluctantly revealed the face. Her arrival will not change anything, I still feel all alone with a little innocent baby without a father. Even the walls of hospitalization as if laughing at my ignorance, the tears have dried drips. But, really I alone? In this place there are about 200 people living with HIV from the year 2007, of approximately 112 thousand inhabitants. Days ago a mother suffered the same fate as me. In another ward, female patients suffer the same fate, contracted HIV from men who had left. Who knows how many actual number of women who suffered such a tragic fate?

What actually happens in this life? With the ability to conceive and give birth, a woman often become victims of gender relations that result in death. I should have realized from the outset, I should recognize the bride, an HIV test before the happy day arrives, so terrible things like this would not happen. I should.....

Ups, do you still want to know my name?

* Note on the mother's visits Partus with HIV positive

T H I E F

One carelessness actually I have done with regard, that settled around the neighbourhood is safe. There was never the slightest I think there will be a direct result of physical attacks threatening. That day, with comfortable I enjoyed the solitude, the first child has started unity semesters of lectures, the second child while on holiday staying with her sister. I thought I could enjoy the day-to-day deserted peacefully without the hassle of setting up eating more often protested, because it is not tasty, face to face masque, as late buying a cake as a provision to the school and the protests, because always there is something wrong in the home.

That night I went to sleep wrapped in a warm beautiful dream, but the dream was awake when suddenly there was a knock at the door of the room and pulled the door handle several times. This time I was not dreaming, cats certainly can not knock on the door. So, who? I open the door sleepily check the situation in the TV room and dining room, silent. However, the cold air blowing sign front and back doors wide open. I went back into the room locked the door. An instant later the sound of heavy footsteps from the kitchen, the move was hasty, fast and heavy as a pair of foot-coated steel plate. I shivered, realizing there are thieves entered at around 02:30 in the morning shortly after the sound of white ship stom.

I know the greatest danger of thieves who caught the host, he could commit the crime more than the intention of stealing. I've come this far until the children grow up, I do not want this achievement ended tragically. I hastily call the police, the phone does not answer, I send an SMS with the word chaos. A moment later the phone rang, whispering I said, "The thief entered the house, please. Thieves entered the house, please .... ".
Came the reply, "Yes .... Yes .... I will come soon".
I'm still calling some numbers distractedly for help. Useless screaming distance of the neighbouring house on the side, rear, and the front is still a couple of meters, the worst possible all asleep, would not hear the screams. While the sound of footsteps outside the room is getting tense, move it toward the middle of the room and unlocked the front, with the reckless sound of the drawer, is opened and closed and then move it to the back of the house. So many times, my heart was racing, I did not dare to take rash action, I had to face this stressful situation. Briefcase with securities and cash office operations that have not had time to pay, I throw down under. I will not be able to bear the loss of a number of one-year salary.
The scariest moment finally arrives, is when the thief began to unload the room door made of plywood, I keep your mouth shut, although the body temperature gets colder as if stuck in the refrigerator. Moments later appear bald head sticking out of the door leaf is broken with the right face toward the ground. He was an old man wearing a T-Shirt light brown with dark brown arm, I noticed it right characteristics. Before the stranger could go further, vigorously spray Baygon on his eye. The thief looked surprised as if stung by the flow of electricity, without screaming or saying a word he sprinted toward the living room, leaving the house in haste. On the floor of my room still sat wrapped in cloth, shivering. Perhaps between me and the thief experienced the same fears. One thing that suddenly left in your mind is, hollow. I lost all the memories and hope that once neatly arranged.

I still have chills a few minutes to two policemen came with a revolver in hand. Deftly, I unlocked the door to the room, accept the presence of two members of the security. We checked around the house, the carpet in front of the bedroom door had dishevelled. Turnstile, living room, back door, and the door to a wide-open landfills. There are no items were brought thieves, except the living room door lock and motor lock. "How did the thieves get into the house?" We wondered.
When the morning break, a police officer came back with a fingerprint equipment. The entire door handle inspected, but no fingerprints are left behind. I slumped in the chair front porch, loss of common sense. When one of the policemen noticed the window, he found a wire ram in disrepair, man's arm can be stretched into to play a key attached to the handle of the door. The gate for six years was never my key, because I feel safe living environment, never expected to be visited by an uninvited guest at dawn.
I'm still asking members of the police while at home until I arrived back from the village to call relatives dating. Loneliness turns scary. Repairman came a few hours later to repair the damage, making an emergency door in every room, so I could take security measures when threat tina arrives. I am still looking for the characteristics of people who've ducked in the door of the room were broken, but until the next three weeks, the thief never could I have encountered.
One morning when an employee of the Department of Public Works is repairing a damaged bridge, in front of the house, I came to join, ask the rest of the board, when the board anticipation pull out bridge while officers late. When I turned immediately locked eyes with it, a man approaching 50 years with a broken left eye. He looked as if he knew me, at first glance, looked at the sorry sight. I was silent, should I report back to the police? A friend at work suggested not need to report, in time the past three weeks. The next few days I still bump into the same people, the attitude seemed to show remorse. He also repeatedly passing through in front of the house, apparently he lived not far from the house, about 100 meters to the right and then entering the lane, he lived in semi-permanent houses, originating from distant villages. One time the thief was even recorded in the identity card office, I Copies of the cards to be stored. During concerned not doing anything, I was silent, but when she dared to overreact, I will take action as I've ever done.
Until a few months I through the day without hope, everything worry and become discouraged. Fear and fresh-made me understand, that everybody will never be in a situation that is completely safe from physical attacks or defamation dropping. Wary required on every second and pull out, I became more understanding, that safety is the most valuable thing.

J E A L O U S

When new neighbours stared at it with disdain, gently glowing fire of jealousy began to burn, be fired, then the hot tongue which continues to spread. Tara, she was so beautiful, tall and slender with a slim waist, olive fruit as yellow skin, jet black hair loose, and subtle behaviour that reflects the level of higher education. Makeup minimalist and understated clothing model featuring a special attraction, the whole housing was admitted. Including Hendra, her husband. Any man who is interested in a beautiful girl even though he was married? Hendra gaze when viewed Tara passing in front of the house really hurt her, her husband could not hide his heart's content. Cila never give warning, but continue to observe. Informal and informal meetings in a residential neighbourhood, the two seem to get along as if never know the one with the other. True, Cilla had never found evidence Tara manifestly fall in love or seduce Hendra, but She is troubled by the presence of the girl. She spread the confidence to look for evidence, is there Hendra held a secret meeting with Tara, the result is nil. The two men had never held a special meeting, but just say hello. However, Cila never be reconciled with the presence of the girl in the neighbourhood. She is an expert on the wife of a hierarchical network and wife of the chairman of the Neighborhood, a position with high status and dignity. Tara never put disrespect with Cila, but Cila always have a reason to look away when he met Tara. Tara still has feelings, she knows the meaning Cila attitude, girls often whispered in a residential neighbourhood, Cila suffer jealous. She was not sure, matrimony with Hendra will never end in divorce. Hendra is not the kind of man to abandon a wife with children who are loved, even though repeatedly involved with other girls. A blind man knows, Hendra really interested in Tara, new entrants who are still studying the map in the neighbourhood association. Not little also occurred inside Tara's intention to violate the area of ​​marriage other people, she would not be able to bear the risk. Hendra is not the kind of man who should be remembered except as chairman of the neighbourhood association. There was another man who eventually became a simple choice in marriage, but the marriage was never to change the attitude Cila, she was still looking at her with flames overwhelmed jealous. Tara just looked away, she pretended not to know. Tara did not linger settled in the residential neighbourhood, she followed her husband to the point mutation new task. Tara still occasionally visit these neighbourhoods, gaze Cila was similar, on a pair of eyes that keep burning fire of jealousy. Tara laughed inwardly, with Cila stupid waste energy for suspicion that there was never proof. She had a marriage, she had no intention of damaging this marriage, because of the presence of someone who never desired. Tara heard Hendra dishonourable behaviour, he did have to put a distance. But the extent to which he can attach a distance, as she returned neighbouring Cila and Hendra at her new residence. The family moved, because of the survival of duty. Tara began to feel hot, she is troubled with a look Cila. However, the jealous gaze finally extinguished, Cila realized Tara prefer to join the organization with groups that shunned Hendra, Tara no interest with Hendra. It should be two women can be friends, but Tara will need to install the distance, she would not hurt, because it is too close to Cila. However, Can Tara put distance with Hendra, the man was able to lull the desire to be able to reach Tara. He always tried various ways closer, even begging. She did not give up, but opened the door, she recognized the power of the heart Hendra. When Hendra takes leave for a higher-level task, secretly Tara cried alone. She knew the man too long, now it's time to let go. Was she fired? A a year later the two were reunited at an event, Hendra grabs it on the dance floor. Tara passivity, Cila was far away with no jealousy at all. When Hendra asks for a secret meeting after the event, determination, Tara began to falter. She considers many months for the meeting before finally give, "yes".The day was Tara wait the seconds is slow, because of the wait, and the arena jammed. Repeatedly woman applying powder and lipstick, keeping the appearance. When seconds awaited his arrival, she greeted a secret meeting with a question mark. How will it end? She still has a variety of time-consuming affair, she could not linger. Hendra end the encounter with the tragic, beyond conjecture Tara. Both are no longer a young teenager to time-wasting, always together at each corner of the city. Both only have a few minutes in a secret place by the end futile. Hendra have to wait years to subdue a woman. However, what is Tara subject for a man twilight age? Far away Cila no longer need to translate the meaning of jealousy, no trace Tara figure in her life. Tara stepped back into the house with a vacuum, she never had Hendra, except for a few minutes. Hendra can spit in a period not too long, almost simultaneously. Tara understand why all this time she has always avoid meeting a secret, that behaviour just hurt. The woman felt as if the heavens poured down rain ink, moisten the whole appearance as long as she headed home. She knows the secret meeting was for the first and last time. She will actually expressing. Hendra still send the message repeatedly to the next meeting, Tara knew she had enough mocked, she has been considered a woman who had no interest. Indeed, she had many interests, she was not a beautiful doll that is easier to grip then discarded. Until a few years ahead Hendra still send SMS, begging meeting, Tara has been numb. She considers the meeting never exist, especially for the second time. This time she really had to extinguish the embers of jealousy in the hearts Cila, Hendra him a nobody.

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